Picking Your Battles
It had been a fairly good morning. I had arrived at my last school and was letting the kids off the bus. One of the younger kids had apparently forgotten what the aisle was for and was walking from seat to seat. I told him to stop walking on the seats but he continued on like I did not exist. What nerve!
I don't know about you but being intentionally ignored tends to get me a little worked up. So he had thrown down the gauntlet and it was my move. Like they say, "Oh, it's on now!" My move was to stand in front of him when he reached the front and ask him to move into the front seat. I had intended to just tell him it was important to follow instructions and what he was doing was not safe.
His response was to yell, "No!" then collapse into a heap at the front of the bus. He wasn't going to move and there was 30 or so more students behind him wanting to get off the bus. I quickly rehearsed my options in my head. I could drag him into the seat. (Not recommended in student management classes.) Option two was to stay in front of him and try to reach the radio mike and call for an administrator to come and give me backup. Because I am very aware that words can hurt, yelling at or shaming him was not an option for me.
I had one more option. I could decide this was not a battle I wanted to fight, and then just get out of his way. That was the option I chose and I let the little fellow escape. Maybe what had transpired was enough to make him think twice about walking on the seats but I won't hold my breath.
I have had a couple of times in my four plus years of driving where I did loose it and pulled the bus over because of something the students were doing. But because I was upset, I forgot to set the brake and discovered the bus was rolling as I was headed to the back. Having a bus start to move when you are not in the driver's seat does have the effect of bringing you quickly back to reality!
So my first thought is that if you have reached the point where you can't calmly and logically think through what needs to happen and what you should do, it would be wise to wait until you can. I am not opposed to asking for forgiveness but I prefer not to do things I will have to ask forgiveness for later if I can help it.
On the flip side, because I do not like confrontation, I can be prone to letting things slide that I should not. Sometimes you just need to say things to people for their own good. At times it can be the kindest thing you can do for someone. Telling people the truth in the right spirit can produce good results for everyone involved.
One final thought. There is a French phrase used in cooking known as "Mise en place." It means everything in it's place and it refers to having everything ready before you start to cook. I think it can apply in picking your battles. There are some choices you can make ahead of time that help you stay on course. For instance, you can decide you will not yell or scream or make hurtful comments in anger. You can plan for a way out of the situation if that were to become a possibility. One couple I knew decided they would forgive everyone who offended them in the morning before it happened. I think that is a great idea. We can't avoid every battle but we can prepare in advance so everyone wins. Just a thought.
Next week I want to talk about why making changes is so hard and what can help. Don't miss "Try This for a Change!"
I don't know about you but being intentionally ignored tends to get me a little worked up. So he had thrown down the gauntlet and it was my move. Like they say, "Oh, it's on now!" My move was to stand in front of him when he reached the front and ask him to move into the front seat. I had intended to just tell him it was important to follow instructions and what he was doing was not safe.
I had one more option. I could decide this was not a battle I wanted to fight, and then just get out of his way. That was the option I chose and I let the little fellow escape. Maybe what had transpired was enough to make him think twice about walking on the seats but I won't hold my breath.
I have had a couple of times in my four plus years of driving where I did loose it and pulled the bus over because of something the students were doing. But because I was upset, I forgot to set the brake and discovered the bus was rolling as I was headed to the back. Having a bus start to move when you are not in the driver's seat does have the effect of bringing you quickly back to reality!
So my first thought is that if you have reached the point where you can't calmly and logically think through what needs to happen and what you should do, it would be wise to wait until you can. I am not opposed to asking for forgiveness but I prefer not to do things I will have to ask forgiveness for later if I can help it.
On the flip side, because I do not like confrontation, I can be prone to letting things slide that I should not. Sometimes you just need to say things to people for their own good. At times it can be the kindest thing you can do for someone. Telling people the truth in the right spirit can produce good results for everyone involved.
One final thought. There is a French phrase used in cooking known as "Mise en place." It means everything in it's place and it refers to having everything ready before you start to cook. I think it can apply in picking your battles. There are some choices you can make ahead of time that help you stay on course. For instance, you can decide you will not yell or scream or make hurtful comments in anger. You can plan for a way out of the situation if that were to become a possibility. One couple I knew decided they would forgive everyone who offended them in the morning before it happened. I think that is a great idea. We can't avoid every battle but we can prepare in advance so everyone wins. Just a thought.
Next week I want to talk about why making changes is so hard and what can help. Don't miss "Try This for a Change!"
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